I'm Dreaming of A White Strip Christmas

The best thing about Christmas is having white teeth???
A gleaming smile is the reason for the season???


I just saw a commercial advertising whitening strips. There was a family having a wonderful time frolicking in the snow, with a closeup of a beautiful smile. Then the voice over started going on about having a white smile they'll never forget, just in time for the holidays... blah blah blah... As if there aren't enough other things to think about during the holiday season, you must also make sure you have white teeth. That above all things must be done. Forget the stockings hung by the chimney with care, forget chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Forget Joy to the World and Peace on Earth. What we need is White Teeth!

Heart On Your Shoulder

One of Kristi's classmates came to class wearing a polo emblazoned with the Cialis logo. Not quite the same as wearing your heart on your sleeve, but similar, I guess...

Pizza Pizza

Transcript of an actual conversation that took place earlier this evening:

"This couch sucks out all my ambition."


(pause)


"Maybe if Caesar would have had one of these, he'd still be alive."

Your Ceiling, My Floor

So there seems to be a slight problem in the apt. below. It would appear their ceiling is leaking. Their ceiling is my floor.

The culprit = our water heater

The solution = turn it off till we can get a new one

ETA of New Water Heater = 2 to 3 days

Date of Last Shower = Sunday

Using the information provided, answer the following question to the best of your ability.

Given that work dress code does not allow baseball hats, how grouchy will I be tomorrow morning?


Answer:
Cold showers = grouchy^10

I would have also accepted:
"grouchy to infinity,"
"She'll put Oscar to shame," or
"Realistically, it'll be more like Grungetta."

Pretty Woman vs. Cinderalla

I meant to wash dishes tonight, really I did. They've been sitting there for a little while and really need to get done. Instead I ate sat down to eat cake and got sucked into watching Pretty Woman. Guilty yes I know, but I'd never watched it before. I was too young when it came out and I wasn't allowed to watch movies where the main characters had questionable morals. Since I'm nearly 24, I figured it would be ok now.



The dishes will be there tomorrow.

Swindlers in the Oak Park Mall

My first week of work, I got taken in by two Israelis selling manicure sets.

We had taken a field trip to the Oak Park Mall. As I wandered along "comparison shopping" I saw two guys working a kiosk. They saw me. I saw them. It was too late to take evasive action. He approached me with a nail buffer and asked if he could give me a demonstration. Seeing as he already had the buffer poised above my nail, I caved.
I told him, "I already have a buffer. A green one."
He said, "Ah, green you know is the color of evil."
"Like my shirt," I said.
"Like my eyes," he replied.

His name was Gavriel and he and his friend were former paratroopers in the Israeli military. They had finished their compulsory service and were now selling manicure sets in the Oak Park Mall. He offered to sell me the whole kit, buffer, lotion, cuticle oil and file for $79. I told him no, I couldn't spend that much. He offered another deal: if I bought one, my friend could come in and get one at half price. Still no deal. As I walked away he said, "Ok. Ok. Tell you what. I'll give you my personal discount. You get the set for $30." I thought about it, figured the buffer and the lotion would be $10 separately, and the cuticle oil, probably the same, so I splurged. I bought the set and promised to tell my friends.

I've always been skeptical of mall kiosk products, but the buffer works amazingly well. I think I got a good deal. I haven't gone back to the Oak Park Mall since then, so I don't know if Gavriel is even still there, but I hope business has been good.

From our room

It is 338 steps down to the main walkway. This means that from the main walkway it is 338 steps up to our room. By the time I get to the top, I can no longer walk. Instead, I'm shuffling like the old women who carry small bundles around town, going no where fast. They outlasted the communists, they weathered the '90s, this day is nothing much to worry about either.

Lokrum

There's a stone bench on the island of Lokrum. It faces the sea, as most benches on the island do. I sat there, hidden in the shade, looking at the Adriatic through a break in the leaves, listening to Third Eye Blind.

Dubrovnik

Everything in Dubrovnik is picturesque. The steps worn smooth from millions of feet. The oranges falling form the trees, rotting on the ground below. The laundry hanging from the windows. The workmen repairing boats in the harbor. The red tiled roofs. The children playing soccer in shady corners. In every glance, something catches the eye.





When everything is picturesque, when do you stop? When the batteries in your camera die? When your memory card is full? When you're tired of pulling your camera out every ten steps because a pigeon has landed on the arm of a saint or a cat is balanced on a window sill? Or is it when you finally realize your lens will never catch the sunlight's angle as it filters down between the buildings and comes to rest on the awning of the cafe where you ate supper last night while a string quartet practiced in the church next door.

Honestly, it'd probably be better to forget the camera for a day and just soak it in. Of course, no one really has the self-discipline to do that.

En Route to Dubrovnik

I don't see how anyone could wear black today. Everything is drenched in color. The deck is green, the ocean, blue, my notebook and shoes, red, and Aubrie seems to be wearing all the other colors. It feels like a Nautica photoshoot. Or maybe Fanta.

The ferry ride was 8 hours long, so we had ample time to enjoy the scenery of the Adriatic coast....



...and lay out



...and take artsy pictures of the lifeboats


and have a Fanta...


And even after all of that we still had a couple hours left....
so we had a photo shoot...

I'll spare you the rest. I don't think we'll be getting any calls from Nautica (or Fanta) requesting our services.

Plitvice and Split

We took a bus from Zagreb to Split. On the way we stopped at the Plitvice Lakes National Park. It's a UNESCO World Heritage Site and even though it wasn't in our plans, we couldn't in good conscience pass it up, since it was on the way and all. At Plitvice, there is a series of lakes connected by waterfalls. It was well worth it. See picture for further explanation.

We had three hours there and then hopped back on the bus for 6 more hours till we arrived in Split. We stopped in a lot of smaller towns, picking people up and letting them off. I slept off and on and between times just tried to observe and figure out life in Croatia.
This is what I saw.
A pair of goats in the street. A woman, bent double, preparing her field for the growing season. Three boys playing soccer, pausing their game when the bus stopped to let off their grandmother. Two nuns, collecting their items and disembarking as quietly as they had arrived. A field of poppies. Everywhere, people working hard to stay.

We arrived in Split in the evening. Leaving the bus station, we set off on the quest to find our accommodation and were caught off-guard by the city itself. There was a wide promenade all along the front of Diocletian's palace. It was gorgeous. New white paving stones had been laid just two weeks earlier, we were told by a local man. We found our place a little ways walk from the promenade. It was up a slightly winding road, through a gate to a housing compound with pathways lined with flowering bushes. Our room was just off of a little courtyard area, secluded slightly behind an overhanging tree branch. We dropped our stuff off and after a brief chat with the guy that owned the home, we headed back down to the promenade for more. We wandered around through every short and narrow alley in the palace. We stopped for ice cream twice.

In Split you can imagine lots of things. Narrow streets connect and lead from countless geranium filled balconies to crumbling arches to stairs climbing out of sight. Cars are impossible. It's a maze of life that has been going on here amongst these very walls and columns since the 3rd century A.D. Time and people have passed through and left their mark. When the city came under attack, the people of the surrounding area flocked to the palace for protection within it's walls. At some point Diocletian died. His private quarters eventually became the city slum. Apparently there's talk of building 20 new buildings, including a shopping garage complex (whatever that is) within the palace walls. Not sure how I feel about that, though I suppose it's their city and this is part of the same process that has been shaping it since the days of Diocletian.

Fanny Packs and a Gingham Jacket

Zagreb in Bullet Points
Aubrie asked me, “What should the first bullet point for Zagreb be?”
I replied, “You should know. You were there. *pause* But I think it was wearing a gingham jacket.”

Indeed our first encounter in Zagreb was with a gingham jacket-wearing, male flight attendant from Baltimore. He was on our flight from Frankfurt but his luggage never made it. It had never left DC. As a result, he had to stay in Zagreb and wait for it to arrive instead of traveling on to meet up with his friends, so we took a taxi together to our hostel and he managed to get a bed there as well.

Zagreb was a good time. The afternoon we arrived, we sat outside a cafe and watched the fanny packs go by. I've never seen so many fanny packs in my life. Not even in the 80s. After I finished my hot cranberry tea (gross) we walked around for a bit and I managed to step in the biggest pile of dog crap imaginable and nearly fall down several times. It was amazing.

The next day, Aubrie and I walked around all day. We heard the cannons go off at noon as they do every day. Came across a big courtyard area outside the train station where there were about 20 people with carts set up selling strawberries. I had to buy some. They were delicious. We walked around and through and up some crazy alleys and staircases and stumbled upon a man playing a guitar. Since the street really wasn't on the main routes, I suspect he set up and played there between the buildings because he liked the acoustics and didn't worry about how many people would throw coins in his case. We ended up going back about 20 minutes later and bought some CDs from him. He gave us a deal - buy two, get the third free. So we got 3 Cds for 100 kuna or about $20.

Everyone in Zagreb smokes. I think I got cancer when I stepped off the plane. We saw a 9 year old girl walking down the street with 3 adults. She casually took a drag from her mom's cigarette. No one else seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary.

Cro-Magnon Curls

I arrived in Croatia on the 15th looking like something straight from the Mesozoic. My hair was curly when I left home. However these curls don’t travel well. After 11 hours of flights, my hair looked like it had been styled by the Gieco Cavemen.

Death on the Interstate

My day was going too well. I was ahead of schedule, there was extra room in my bag, I went to the mall and found what I needed in 15 minutes instead of the 45 I could have spared. At 1:40 p.m. I was cruising down I-70. At 1:42 p.m., just before Exit 343 a coyote burst out of the ditch and across the road. He almost made it. Almost. Busted up the bottom part of my grill and took out the fog lights. I didn't have time to be upset, I had to catch my flight to Croatia. End result, after about an hour of phone calls and discussion, I got a rental. A big ol' Dodge, full size, quad cab... probably the nicest truck I'll ever drive. I made it to KCI with 45 minutes to spare.

Now I'm en route to Frankfurt, Germany. There's way too many devastatingly beautiful kids on this flight. They're half my age and already more gorgeous. I'm screwed.

Warning

Hello. My name is Adriane and I will kill you with my bare hands if you threaten my bliss.
In this case "you" being equal to spider and "bliss" being equal to bed.

Thank you.

Thoughts for Mikey

It shouldn't take a tragedy to make you realize it's been awhile since you've told your friends and family how much they mean to you.
But all too often, it does.

Things shouldn't end before you're ready for them to be over.
But all too often, they do.

Life is wide and deep and more than we can handle in any given moment, or even in a whole big line of moments, and we're always left wanting more of what we'll never have again. Whether it's one more drink shared with friends, or one more day to walk to class and be bored and make plans for the weekend, you need just one more. Cause you always think, "If I have just one more, this time it'll be different and honest and I'll soak in each moment of it, the width and the depth of it and I'll know it more fully than I've ever known any part of life." But life doesn't work that way. We have to take what we can and hold on hard. Pay attention and soak it in now because life changes and you may never be here again.

Mikey was a guy I knew far too casually and far too briefly. A freshman when I was a senior. A guy who smiled a lot and went about his business having fun and working hard along the way. He died in a car accident. It probably won't make the news outside of the county. The world will not stop and pay homage. But Mikey will be missed by a lot of people. And for them, today, the world stopped a little bit as they paid homage to a good guy who went about his business, having fun and working hard along the way.

Them boots are made for walkin'

And that's just what Huggy's gonna do. Damn those white boots. Hopefully when he walks out he doesn't take Walker and the recruiting class with him.

Adriane's Rules of the Road

When I am running there are two rules. Two rules and two rules only.

1. If you honk, shout encouragement and/or sing "you've lost that loving feeling," you earn instant friend status.

2. If you holler "PICK UP THE PACE" or any similarly disparaging phrases, you automatically get the bird. No hesitation. No questions asked. You get the bird.

Now Playing

Paraguayans - The Bloodhound Gang: "You and me baby aint nothin' but mammals...."

Greeks - The Boys of Delta Upsilon: "Macho Macho Mug, Round 21"

Uh-Oh

There was just the most horrible banging. It shook the house really badly. I was actually scared for a second. I think maybe the girls in the middle were stating their opinion on the matter. Sounded like they voted against the Paraguayans, but it hasn't done any good thus far. We're still pulsating. Maybe they'll call in the noise complaint.